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SEPTEMBER 2004 -------
Birth Order enables us to figure out many things about the behavior of people. Recently someone emailed asking about the behavior of brides at their wedding. Here's what Birth Order reveals about this subject. The Birth Order behavior is seen most clearly in brides who naturally see themselves as "special." The bride who is daddy's "little girl", who had older brothers who doted on her or had a mother who gave her everything she wanted as well as protected her from life's demands learns to see herself as special. For her the world exists to serve her but no one should expect anything of her. In a wedding the bride is special. Everything centers on the bride. She's the one who is asked her preferences, is the central person in the wedding ceremony as she makes her entrance on her father's arm and the one who poses for the most pictures. If she is inclined by personality to see herself as special she is in her element. In the wedding the world is at her beck and call. How she acts out being special is determined by her Birth Order personality. The Only Child bride as special insists on everything being right according to her standards. She must have the best photographer, the best gown, the best ceremony and the best reception. If things are not to her liking she expresses her exasperation with sighs, stamping her feet, crying, sarcastic cutting remarks and outright shouting. Others may be surprised by her behavior in that happy setting. Parents may be embarrassed as they scramble about to meet her wishes, the groom may feel guilty at forgetting things and her friends may get angry at those offending the bride. The First Born bride as special reaches for the moon. She wants things that are out of reach. The ceremony must be an exceptionally impressive performance, the brides maids' dresses must be out of this world, the church must be decorated to the hilt and the reception must have a meal to end all meals. When something falls short there is no hiding her disappointment. While others may think the wedding was great she knows it could have been better if others had just cooperated more. The Second Born bride as special has to have every detail right. The bride's maids have to lose weight so they all look good. The groom has to learn how to walk just right down the aisle with her following the ceremony. The flower girl has to be trained endlessly to drop the flower petals just right. The people have to be seated in just the right places in just the right way by the right ushers. The food has to be served just right at the reception. And, the photographer must take just the right pictures - and woe to him if he misses a shot! The Third Born bride as special has to be treated just right by everyone. Her feelings must always be considered without her having to ask. People must ask her if she is comfortable, if she needs a glass of water, if the organization of the ceremony suits her, if she has what she needs in the dressing room, if the temperature is just right or if the lighting bothers her. As the bride feeling special she must have everyone concerned about how she is feeling. If this solicitousness is lacking she feels cheated. This is her day! Everyone must care about her today. The Fourth Born bride who is special must be the center of attention at all times. She feels irritated, even angry, when the groom is asked for an opinion without her being included. She is upset if the bride's maids get together without her being there. She is offended if the groom talks to someone else without including her. She is jealous if her mother gets attention instead of her, if everyone takes attention off of her to laugh at a humorous remark made by a bride's maid at the rehearsal or if the photographer pays attention to how the others are posing instead of to her. She may be angry much of the time at her own wedding. The bride who is human instead of "special" appreciates all that is done for her. She enjoys the attention given to her, overlooks things that are not perfect, wants everyone to enjoy the occasion and pays attention to people often sidelined - older guests, children, and people who have traveled great distances. She enjoys expressing her love toward her groom, giving gifts to the participants in the wedding party and talking about plans for the future. She gets excited opening gifts, expressing her joy profusely. She makes others feel good. The bride who is "special" may pay a price if the groom also is "special." In the wedding ceremony he is obviously taking second place in the spotlight to his wife-to-be. By not being allowed to be special he may be seething with anger that he takes out on her later. Many a bride has spent her wedding night in tears for just this reason - and she does not even have to be special in attitude. Just being treated special in the presence of the groom who wants to be treated special earns her this punishment. For more on couples' relationships read, "The Birth Order Effect for Couples". Second Born Core Issue: The Second Born core issue is one of hiding feelings, not just from others but also from self. The original memory is of the older child getting praise that the Second Born craved for what he/she had done. To keep from hurting, the Second Born chose to suppress feelings because there seemed to be no other strategy available. Suppressing feelings became a life long pattern that was often reinforced as the Second Born's sensitivity caused pain as others ignored his or her feelings. Since thinking begins with feelings the Second Born experiences limitations in thinking. To compensate for thinking the Second Born learned to live by rules that did not require thinking. These Second Borns continue to live by rules and to enforce their personal rules on others. By evaluating his or her own rules the Second Born can think about the rules, thus enabling thinking. Thinking can be enhanced further if the Second Born allows feelings. Second Borns who have enabled thinking find their communication with others to be improved. Yours for growth in understanding through Birth Order,
Cliff Isaacson Website: www.birthorderplus.com The following books by Cliff are available by calling 1-800-214-0795:
The Birth Order Challenge Hardback $19.95 Credit Card payments are accepted. |
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