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NOVEMBER 2008 -------
Welcome to the Birth Order newsletter for November 2008! Depression and Birth Order Depression occurs in five different forms according to Birth Order. These forms of depression are rooted in hopelessness, loneliness, anger, anxiety and sadness. Although related to Birth Order, a person may have several or all of these forms of depression. The five forms of depression involve hiding feelings from one’s self that turn into depression. Only Child depression is rooted in a sense of hopelessness that comes from disappointment. Disappointment happened when expectations were not met, making the Only look for a way to avoid the pain. The Only reasoned that not getting one’s hopes up would protect one from the pain of disappointment. However, hopes cannot be erased, they can only be hidden. When the Only hides hopes he or she becomes pessimistic, expecting the worst, and not enjoying anticipation of something good happening. Other Birth Orders can experience depression from hiding their hopes if they experienced disappointment in their lives, especially during childhood. Disappointment is a common experience of children with alcoholic parents who broke promises made under the influence. First Born depression is rooted in the feeling of loneliness from watching mother take care of the new baby. If the child tried to get attention while mother was busy the child was reprimanded for interfering with mother caring for the baby. That did not stop the lonely feeling. Because the child could not stop feeling lonely the child had to hide his or her loneliness. Hiding loneliness, the First Born became awkward in relating to others, acted as if relationships don’t matter and puts others at a distance and the hidden loneliness became depression. Other Birth Orders can also develop depression based on loneliness depending on how much they were deprived of attention in childhood. Second Born depression comes from anger that was a reaction to the First Born making the Second Born look inadequate. Usually, a parent would tell the child to not be angry because eventually he or she would be able to do what the First Born could do. The child could not stop being angry but rather had to hide his or her anger from others and also from self. The hidden anger became depression accompanied by temper when the hidden anger got triggered by a trivial event. This depression also prevents feeling angry when appropriate. Other Birth Orders can experience hidden anger depression to the extent that they were forbidden to express anger as children. Third Born depression is rooted in fear experienced as anxiety. During childhood the Third Born felt the need to stop being afraid for fear of being teased by the Second Born. Instead of being able to stop being afraid the Third Born hid fears causing the fears to become anxiety, fear no longer rooted in reality. Forcing self to hide fears can make the Third Born inappropriately fearless and, if they break through, excessively fearful. This hidden fear in the form of anxiety is a depression that any Birth Order can experience if not enabled to deal appropriately with fear as a child. Fourth Born depression is rooted in sadness. The sadness can be the result of being rejected by older siblings, not having things the older children had or not being allowed to do what the older children could do. If the older children reacted by calling the crying Fourth Born a “crybaby” the child had to stop feeling sad. Unable to stop feeling sad, the Fourth Born hid the sadness from others and self, causing depression. A Fourth Born with hidden sadness may be unable to feel sorry for someone else, feel grief or express sadness in the face of loss. Anger is often the substitute feeling for sadness. Other Birth Orders can experience this kind of depression if crying was met with statements like “quit whining” or “keep on crying and I’ll give you something to cry about” so that they had to hide their sadness. By itself, understanding the nature of depression can bring relief from it. However there are also ways to address the subconscious to relieve depression. Affirmations made to the subconscious can enable a person to accept feelings rather than being depressed. The emotions of hope, loneliness, anger, fear and sadness are normal feelings that are experienced in daily life.
Here are some affirmations that can be used to address the subconscious to
overcome depression: You can deal with natural feelings better than you can fight depression if you allow yourself to be optimistic, relate to people, work for justice, pay attention to safety and grieve over losses in life. Real feelings are good, aren’t they?
Cliff Isaacson, BA, BD BLOG Remember to check out the blog at http://birthorder.blogster.com for lots of information on Birth Order. COUNSELING
Keep in mind that counseling is education that applies to your particular
situation. Birth Order based counseling/consulting is available by telephone by
calling 1-800-214-0795 to make an appointment. For more information write
clifford@birthorderplus.com.
Advantages to phone counseling include doing it from the comfort of home, being
in control and privacy. Counseling over the phone works because it eliminates
visual distractions.
INFORMATION
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Web site: www.birthorderplus.com
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Check out the archive of past newsletters.
The following books by Cliff are available by email at clifford@birthorderplus.com or by calling 1-800-214-0795: You can pay by credit card. Add $3.00 for shipping and handling.
The Birth Order Challenge Hardback $19.95
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