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March 2009 -------
Welcome to the Birth Order newsletter March 2009 Students often submit questions about Birth Order for class research projects. Here is an unusually good set of questions that I want to share with you along with the answers I gave. 1) Through all of your research and experience what is the most surprising thing you have discovered about birth order and how it affects people? Probably the most surprising thing is that there are five coherent Birth Order personalities and that everyone has one, and just one personality. They are coherent in that they do not blend together in a personality. For example, you would never find a person who is half one Birth Order personality and half another. There can be secondary characteristics but they do not blend in with the primary personality. No one's personality is a hodge-podge of Birth Order personalities. 2) What kind of advice would you give someone, like me, who is the youngest child? Understand yourself. This is the advice I'd give to anyone. Figure out your Birth Order personality because that will tell you about why you do things the way to do, why you react the way you do and, most importantly, what your strengths are. There is no special advice for a youngest child by virtue of being the youngest. There is an advantage of being the youngest because it made you figure out the older children because you could not overpower them. To get along you had to understand them. This gut-level knowledge of others can be very useful. Enjoy it! 3) Do you think that boys are more affected by birth order than girls because of natural competitiveness? Good question! The answer is no. Birth Order is an integral part of personality so it is not affected by competitiveness. However, since girls are relationship oriented Birth Order tends to play a greater part for them in relationships than it does for boys. They can be close to each other or they can be mean to each other. Boys, on the other hand, are less inclined to relate to one another and more inclined to do things together so they tend to have less strife and not be so close to each other. 4) I know there are a few different stereotypes, do you think these stereotypes are mostly true? There is some truth to the different stereotypes but they tend to be concepts so general that they are of little use. One glaring example is that of perfectionism. The stereotype is that Only Children tend to be perfectionist because they have to satisfy adults and they value order. In that stereotype perfectionism is used to refer to someone who likes things neat and in order. This is not perfectionism - it is a compulsion to do things right. Perfectionism is attention to detail and occurs in Second Borns, not Only Children, and then only in certain favorite areas of their lives. 5) Do you think kids are more or less affected by birth order if they are in a larger family (like more than four kids) The size of the family does not affect the intensity of Birth Order. Each one of the children will have his or her own Birth Order personality from First through Fourth Born, after which the cycle repeats. There may be no Onlies in the Birth Orders of a large family though the youngest of five, nine, thirteen or seventeen kids can be an Only. In dysfunctional families children cope according to their Birth Order so that their Birth Order behavior is strengthened. In harmonious families children's Birth Order behavior tends to be more relaxed. 6) Have you found that children are treated differently, because of birth order, from there siblings? And if so, how does that affect the other siblings? This question covers the whole of family dynamics. There is no simple answer, of course, but let me suggest some of the issues involved. The Birth Order of the parents affects how they treat the children according to Birth Order. For example, suppose a Third Born parent was mistreated by a Second Born sibling as a child. Consequently, this parent might be hardest on the Second Born child in the family. If a parent has a favorite among the children, this can create sibling antagonism toward that child who may get picked on when the parent is not around. If the parent punishes the child or children picking on the favorite child the family conflict can become intense. Family interactions based on Birth Order is a wonderful thing to study. If you are interested in it, I encourage you to pursue it. Examples to study are all around you in the families that you know. And, there is no end to what you can learn.
Rev. Cliff Isaacson, BA, BD BLOG Remember to check out the blog at http://birthorder.blogster.com for lots of information on Birth Order. COUNSELING
Keep in mind that counseling is education that applies to your particular
situation. Birth Order based counseling/consulting is available by telephone by
calling 1-800-214-0795 to make an appointment. For more information write
clifford@birthorderplus.com.
Advantages to phone counseling include doing it from the comfort of home, being
in control and privacy. Counseling over the phone works because it eliminates
visual distractions.
INFORMATION
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The following books by Cliff are available by email at clifford@birthorderplus.com or by calling 1-800-214-0795: You can pay by credit card. Add $3.00 for shipping and handling.
The Birth Order Challenge Hardback $19.95
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