|
JUNE 2005 -------
Birth Order personality develops during early childhood by coping with family. Dear Birth Order Plus subscriber, June greetings to you! If you were asked what is the opposite of thinking, what would you say? Most people are at a loss when asked that. Actually, the opposite of thinking is believing. Once a thought becomes a belief a person no longer thinks about it. People tend to defend their beliefs rather than think about them. It was my good fortune many years ago to be put into a situation where I had to decide between believing and thinking. I attended a Christian college whose purpose was to instill the right beliefs in us by studying the Bible. As I was graduating friends expressed concerns about my going to graduate school because "they will destroy your faith." Thinking about that warning long and hard, I decided that if others could destroy my faith I wanted them to do it. I reasoned that if someone could destroy what I believed that person would be proving what I believed to be false. He or she would be doing me a favor. I did not want to believe something that was not true. This decision changed me from a believer who was constantly defending his faith to a thinker who welcomes new information even if it contradicts what he believes. Beliefs are limiting if they do not correspond to reality. Beliefs drive behavior that can create success or beliefs drive behavior that is destructive. In fact, beliefs drive all behaviors. We will not act on a thought until it becomes a belief. The movement to the beliefs that drive our behavior starts with an experience. The experience triggers feelings that come from memories of past experiences. The feelings lead to thought. The thought creates a belief that becomes the basis of new behavior. The process looks like this: Experience à feeling à thought à belief à behavior. Birth Order thinking patterns affect this process. The Only Child is the organizer who wants questions answered so that feeling can lead to belief with a minimum of thought. Because thought is chaotic while belief is organized the Only prefers believing. This means that the Only tends to resist information that challenges beliefs that creates chaos. For Onlies new questions have to be answered ASAP to move on to belief. The First Born is the research thinker who is tends to believe what other people believe. The First Born's feelings are deactivated so the First Born "borrows" someone else's feelings to guide thinking that leads to belief. Their own experiences may play a minor role in developing their beliefs. The Second Born is an evaluative thinker who suppresses feelings. The Second Born is apt to move quickly from experience to thinking without the enrichment of feeling. Without feeling thinking tends to become restricted, focused, with tunnel vision. Beliefs tend to be logical, precise, and limited. From these beliefs the Second Born can behave unemotionally to the discomfort of others. The Third Born starts with feelings of being cornered in reaction to an experience. The feelings require thinking that lets the Third Born escape the corner. Instead of feelings provoking thinking directly, they promote the opposite line of thought. Things are not taken at face value. Everyone is seen as having a hidden agenda. These beliefs limit the Third Born's ability to work with others. The Fourth Born has feelings of being trapped by experiences. These feelings lead to analytical thinking examines the possibilities of being trapped with what is necessary to escape being trapped. This thinking leads to beliefs of being trapped that can lead to anger, paranoia, or withdrawal from situations. The descriptions I have given are meant for thinking rather than believing. Believers will find fault with them. Thinkers will explore how, if or when the descriptions I have given may explain things. The thinker will develop new, updated beliefs about behavior that will be corrected in the future with new information. An education is a set of beliefs. A new high school or college graduate tends to have great confidence because he or she was taught the "correct" set of beliefs. Their education continues if new experiences lead to thinking that modifies old beliefs or creates new beliefs. We do not have direct access to our beliefs. Once formed, they become subconscious. From the subconscious they drive our behaviors. Only the challenge from others enables us to deal with beliefs. We need each other! Never get so interested in believing that you forget to think. Counseling Birth Order based counseling/consulting is available by telephone. If you are interested send an email to clifford@birthorderplus.com or call 1-800-214-0795.
Cliff Isaacson, BA, BD Web site: www.birthorderplus.com To sign up for the Birth Order Newsletter go to http://www.birthorderplus.com/newsletter/menu.htm. Check out the archive of past newsletters. The following books by Cliff are available by email or 1-800-214-0795:
The Birth Order Challenge Hardback $19.95 Credit Card payments are accepted.
|
|
Books | Newsletter | Consultation Blog | Contact Us |