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JULY 2005 -------
Birth Order is a pattern of behavior from early childhood. Dear Birth Order subscriber, Greetings from Algona, Iowa! Finances One reader emailed a question asking how each Birth Order personality manages money. This is a good question because Birth Order personalities are expressed in earning, spending and saving money. The Only Child, the organizer, is the one most apt to make a budget. Making a budget enables the Only to get organized, determine the right way to spend money and to give a feeling of security by having a plan. The Only is likely to keep track of expenditures, object to an expenditure outside the budget even when it makes sense and to argue "we can't afford it" if it is not in the budget. After reorganizing the budget the Only may decide they can afford it. Quite often the Only married to a First Born or a Third Born handles the finances. Wanting to impress others affects the way a First Born deals with money. Not realizing they are driven by a desire to get admiration First Borns are apt to focus on something they "have to have" ignoring some that would be a wiser purchase. The SUV, house or boat is bought because to bring about admiration. What to buy may be inspired by what other people have. Once having the possessions that are no longer impressive to others First Borns lose interest in them. They may regret their purchases, feel shame at how they have spent money and turn finances over to the spouse to control. In bargaining with others First Borns want to satisfy them rather than do what is best for them. The First Born does not bargain well to get the best price, tends to give in easily when bartering and does not know how to say "no" when being pressured. Second Borns bring perfectionism to the use of money. In making a purchase the Second Born must get the best in order to approach perfection. The auto, appliance, home, clothing or meal must be top-notch. The Second Born is able to practice self-discipline so that money is not frittered away. Second Borns drive a hard bargain because they pay close attention to details. At work Second Borns may work for meager wages, especially after losing a well-paying job. A combination of inadequacy, suppression of feelings and focus on the work rather than the big picture keeps these Seconds stuck. Other Seconds do well financially because they provide superior service to employers who reward them for it. Many corporate executives are Second Borns who have climbed the ranks doing perfect work or near perfect work. Third Borns often use money to please others, sometimes to an extreme. They may short themselves in order to make others happy. This can be especially true with their children whom they indulge. They tend to neglect their own desires, needs and wants until they feel deprived so that they indulge in a spending spree on themselves. Third Borns never have enough money to do good for all the people they care about. To get more money they may devise creative ways of making money by investing, developing a business or wheeling and dealing. For many of them the wealth never materializes. Others make fortunes as entrepreneurs. Wanting to please employees contributes to the success of Third Borns in business. Fourth Borns often are possessive with money as they are with many things. During childhood older siblings constantly took stuff away from Fourth Borns leaving them a desire to keep things. As adults they hoard money, hide it from their partners and bargain aggressively to get the cheapest price possible. They can be so aggressive that they will not make a purchase because of a few dollars rather than get what they want. To save money they may buy used stuff that gives them trouble rather than buying new. Generous type Fourth Borns are givers to family and friends - but often on their own terms. For example, a Fourth Born man would ask his date where she would like to eat and then took her to a different restaurant of his own choosing. Fourth Borns driven to keep things experience inner conflict when they choose to give. This conflict puts giving out of balance - gifts are too expensive, unusable or create work for the other person. The gift to the new girlfriend costs way too much, there is no place for the new appliance without redoing the kitchen, or the lawn ornament for everyone to see looks garish. Saving/spending compulsions come from memories in childhood. For example, children who had to earn money for their clothes and other necessities may resist spending money as an adult. These are the spouses who object strenuously to the partners spending money on necessary equipment for business. This happens most often with Second Borns because it meshes with their sense of self-discipline. They had to spend their money as a child, they will not do it now. Opposite reactions occur to what parents hope. Parents who pressure children to save money may create spendthrifts, who control the children's money create secretive spenders and who give to children because they whine create complainers. Parents who won't give their children anything may encourage children to steal while parents who give children too much may encourage children to depend on others. To create good attitudes toward money parents need to resolve the issues that Birth Order has created for them. To develop healthy attitudes toward money parents need to allow their children to decide how they will use their money, allow them to experience the consequences and avoid the temptation to drive the lesson home. The parent can suggest to the child that it might be good to save money for Saturday to go shopping, letting the child experience that lack of money on Saturday without comment. Any comment to drive the lesson home is over-kill that creates obsessive/compulsive behavior. The best lessons are learned from life itself. If you find yourself spending foolishly tell yourself, "Never get so interested in spending that you forget to think." If you are so into saving money that you harm yourself and/or family, tell yourself "Never get so interested in saving that your forget to think." Thinking allows you to save and spend rationally. Criticism The nastiest criticism comes from angry Second Borns. If you want see an example go to Amazon.Com for reviews of my book "The Birth Order Effect for Couples." The criticism is the result of Seconds wanting to get away from some emotion - anger becomes a substitute for that emotion. Counseling Birth Order based counseling/consulting is available by telephone. If you are interested send an email to clifford@birthorderplus.com or call 1-800-214-0795. There are advantages to counseling by phone. You can be yourself in your own home, you can concentrate without visual distractions and you can feel more comfortable than in a counseling office. Telephone counseling has proven to be quite effective. Sincerely,
Cliff Isaacson, BA, BD You are free to forward this newsletter to interested people. Web site: www.birthorderplus.com To sign up for the Birth Order Newsletter go to http://www.birthorderplus.com/newsletter/menu.htm. Check out the archive of past newsletters. The following books by Cliff are available by email or 1-800-214-0795:
The Birth Order Challenge Hardback $19.95 Credit Card payments are accepted.
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