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JULY 2004 -------
Because of your interest in Birth Order I want to share answers to questions that have been sent to me by email. People ask questions about personalities, relationships, problems, school projects, employee problems, depression, and sometimes just out of curiosity. There may be questions you would like to ask. We welcome them for future newsletters. Age differences. This question comes from a student who wants to know what effect that age differences have on the Birth Order of siblings. She needed to know for a speech that she was going to give in one of her classes. She asks, "Have you had any experiences where the birth order has 10 or 15 years between first born and second born? Does the whole process start over again when there is such an age gap?" I told her that Birth Order starts over after such a large gap between first and second child. I told her that ten to fifteen years age difference between first and second children would certainly result in two Only Child personalities. The significant age differences are as follows: Five years or more between first and second children causes the Birth Order to start over with the second child. There can be a much wider gap between the other siblings. Between Second and Third Born there can be up to fourteen years for the Third Born personality to still develop. In our experience there can be up to ten years, perhaps even more, between the Third Born and the Fourth Born for the Fourth Born personality to develop. The age difference between the Fourth Born and the fifth child is irrelevant because the fifth child will be an Only Child personality regardless of the age gap between them. Of course, this Only can become First Born if there is a sixth child born before the child reaches age five. Publications Every once in a while periodicals do an article on Birth Order. There was an extensive Birth Order article in Family Circle Magazine, July 13 issue, in which I was quoted along with a number of other writers on Birth Order. Also, watch the Woman's World magazine for a major article in one of the early August issues in which the relationships between mother and child are defined according to Birth Order. Because there are five Birth Orders among both mothers and child there are twenty-five relationships described. This article will be based on my work according to the writer who interviewed me. Core Issues Each of the Birth Orders has a set of core issues around which we build therapy. The Only Child core issues are thinking with feelings and hiding power. If you comprehend thinking with feelings you are an Only. As a child the Only found sharing thinking to be ineffective in dealing with parents. On the other hand, expressing emotions worked well. The child could not reason with parents to let him play but could scream, flail arms up and down and throw things. This worked well. Parents backed off. These memories make the Only rely on emotion to influence others. On a mild level the Only expresses thinking with feelings by saying, "I am not comfortable with that" with the hope of getting you to consider her (or his) feelings without further action on the Only's part. At the other extreme the Only throws an adult version of a tantrum to make you respond the way she wants. The issues for the Only Child personality are that she hides her thinking and hides her power. Next month we'll take a look at First Born core issues. Counseling In the process of designing counseling for each Birth Order we discover many things. Most recently we have found a way to enable people to lose weight through psychotherapy. This therapy can be done over the phone. Obesity may be caused more by how the body handles food rather than in how much you eat. There are people who seem to eat whatever they want without gaining weight. For the rest of us dieting only works temporarily, seldom getting us to the weight we want and leaving us worse off than before. By dealing with the memories that cause the body to store food as fat when it should be discarding excess food we enable the body to lose weight. These memories are usually about cleaning your plate. Food had to be "saved". The body cooperates when it "saves" food by storing it. The therapy has worked to reduce weight with most people with whom we have used it. We have discovered this therapy recently. What we have found so far is a pattern of losing about five pounds the first week with none lost for the next three or four weeks. Yet, during that time the inches are coming off. This seems to indicate that fat weight loss is being replaced by weight gain through the buildup of other tissues. After the three or four weeks the pounds start coming off again. It appears that storing food as energy takes energy from the rest of the body. Other tissues have been deprived as food is being stored. Once a body stops storing food energy can be used to rebuild the body. In fact, we see an immediate increase in energy in people's behavior after therapy. We see them becoming more attractive because of the increased energy. Energetic people are more attractive. Perhaps even the immune system benefits as energy is used for the body rather than for storing food. We have found that Third Borns tend to have the most severe weight problems. Of course, all Birth Orders are subject to being overweight but Third Borns are apt to have the greater problem. If you want to try therapy for weight loss, call 1-800-214-0795 for a telephone appointment. Mention weight loss when you call. In counseling for weight loss we also deal with core Birth Order issues to improve the context in which weight loss occurs. One session should be sufficient but you may have more if you wish. Credit cards are accepted for payment. Tip to Clergy: This tip works with all Birth Order personalities. You can create harmony in your congregation by using the words "I love" in services occasionally - every other week would work well. Use these words in passing as "I love this story", "I love this hymn" or even "I love this weather." These words subliminally cause people to feel loved, creating harmony among them. You can use these words when you speak to a new group - it creates rapport right at the beginning of your talk. Your audience will be supportive.
Cliff Isaacson Books by Cliff available by calling 1-800-214-0795:
The Birth Order Challenge Hardback $19.95 |
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