|
DECEMBER 2005 -------
Birth Order is to personality what a skeleton is to a body. Dear Birth Order subscriber, Welcome to the December Birth Order newsletter! We’re ready to talk about the fifth level of relating, humor. In the last four newsletters we’ve talked about improving the initial non-verbal contact, the greeting, conversation and cooperation. Today we’ll talk about the fun part of communication where we engage in humor, banter, teasing, play and the give and take that is so important in a relationship. Humor pushed far enough becomes abuse, doesn’t it? Consider the kinds of humor that exist by Birth Order. Only Child humor is sarcasm, First Born is shaming, Second Born is teasing, Third Born is demeaning and Fourth Born is insulting. In the extreme all of these can be abusive. We all have an aversion to abuse. During childhood we got abused, or thought we did, by someone older and bigger than we were. Since it was an unpleasant experience we decided that when we grew up we would not abuse someone else. Yet, there are times we find ourselves abusing someone. In that childhood experience we developed memories that make us abuse others because whoever was abusing us in childhood set a role model us that got imbedded in our memories. In other words, these memories that make us abuse others but we resist doing it. These memories put us off balance. We are not able to engage in humor because it may be abusive. We are not able to stand up for ourselves because that might be abusive. We’re not able to be direct with someone because that would be abusive. To enable humor we have you tell your subconscious to forget the memories that make you abuse others. That resolves the inner conflict between memories that make you abuse others and the memories that say you can’t abuse anyone. In childhood you engaged in playful abuse. You’d wrestle, throw snowballs, poke fun, make faces, tease, embarrass and insult playmates. They in turn did the same for you. All this was great fun. Adults engaging in humor similarly abuse each other. For robust humor it is necessary to be able to abuse others playfully. So, we have you tell your subconscious to remember the memories that let you abuse others. This should set you free to engage in the give and take of lively humor. Next month we look at the sixth level of relating. We’ll share how you can achieve closeness with another person. Until then, Happy Holidays. Enjoying the Holidays There are a number of ways to enhance your holidays. The simplest way is to create a loving atmosphere by the things you say. When you say “I love that setting” or “I like the way the sun shines through that window” it makes those who hear it feel loved or liked. Of course, negative statements do the opposite – never say “I hate…”. To relate better use Birth Order to understand others because you can relate so much better with people whom you understand. When you understand them, you can share plans with Onlies, opinions with First Borns, details with Second Borns, comparisons with Third Borns and challenges with Fourth Borns. Anger can get in the way during holidays. You may be able to defuse someone’s anger by remarking to the angry person, “you look angry” or “you sound angry.” This enables the person to dissociate from his or her anger. There may be one final outburst after which the anger fades. For better times avoid alcohol because it interferes with communication. . Communication is 93% non-verbal. Facial expressions, tone of voice, gestures, responsiveness and eye contact add much to the words that are spoken. Even a small amount of alcohol alters non-verbal behavior so that it no longer communicates. A party is no longer fun when party-goers cannot communicate with each other. Put a positive spin on what others say or do. Understanding Birth Order enables you to interpret behavior in such a way that it feels good to the other person. Of course, resist the temptation to make someone feel bad. Enjoy making your holidays happy BLOG Remember to check out the blog at http://birthorder.blogster.com for lots of information on Birth Order. COUNSELING Birth Order based counseling/consulting is available by telephone. Call 1-800-214-0795 to make an appointment. For more information write clifford@birthorderplus.com. There are advantages to counseling by phone. You are in your own home, you can concentrate without visual distractions and you feel more comfortable than in a counseling office. Telephone counseling has proven to be effective. Sincerely,
Cliff Isaacson, BA, BD You are free to forward this newsletter to interested people. To sign up for the Birth Order Newsletter go to http://www.birthorderplus.com/newsletter/menu.htm. Check out the archive of past newsletters. The following books by Cliff are available by calling 1-800-214-0795:
The Birth Order Challenge Hardback $19.95 Credit Card payments are accepted.
|
|
Books | Newsletter | Consultation Blog | Contact Us |