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AUGUST 2008 -------
Welcome to the Birth Order newsletter for August 2008! Birth Order Body Language Identification of Birth Order personality can be done through body language. Elements of each personality are expressed non-verbally in ways that reveal that personality. Here are some ways that Birth Order is expressed physically. Through eye movements: As you watch an Only’s eyes you see a rapid scanning done to observe things around him or her. The scanning is done in order to feel comfortable by having things in order. Consequently an Only can remember many things about a place that are overlooked by others. Watching a First Born’s eyes shows the First Born scanning people’s faces trying to fathom how they might feel toward the First Born because the First Born is sensitive to possible rejection that he or she might experience. In the process of watching faces the First Born ignores many things making it hard to remember events that happened, statements people made and things in the surrounding environment. The First Born may not even remember much about the people, what they wore, how they had their hair or other details. The Second Born can be observed looking at certain things intently rather than scanning the surroundings. Second Born perfectionism drives this focusing on details rather than getting the big picture. Afterwards, the Second Born can relate flaws observed, improvements needed, or signs of neglect as the Second seeks to overcome feeling inadequate. Watching the Third Born’s eyes reveals slower scanning than that of the Only Child including retracing scans to compare things. The comparing allows the Third Born to come up with ideas that are a useful distraction in case he or she gets to feeling cornered. The Fourth Born can be seen looking forward most of the time without doing scanning or focusing on anything in particular. Occasionally, however, the Fourth Born may glance to one side or the other without turning the head as if making sure no one is sneaking up from behind. This reflects the Fourth fear of being trapped. The glancing to the side is done without drawing attention to it because someone observing it could lead to being trapped. Through physical movement and expression: Feelings are communicated non-verbally through facial expressions by the Only Child, with feelings expressed by the eyes, head movements, and mouth. Hand movements, gestures and voice inflections accompany the Only Child’s verbal communication. Head nodding, a questioning look including furrowed brow, looking at you when you’re talking but looking away when he or she is talking indicate First Born. The words “I don’t know” are sprinkled in the conversation as well as pauses punctuated by “ah” or “um” showing the tentative nature of First Born communication in which the First Born would rather know what you think rather than express a possibly offensive opinion. The head nodding is to convey agreement for the sake of the relationship rather than a considered opinion. A piercing look, crisp language, upright posture mark the Second Born. Facial expression can be dramatic but is a studied expression rather than the free expression of the Only Child, a skill often developed in the teens during long hours in front of the mirror. Language is often punctuated by the words “need” or “have to” as in “You need to…” or “You have to….” Anger often lies just beneath the surface in the Second Born especially if the Second Born had an older First Born sibling of the same sex. Laughter, a joking manner and pushiness can mark the Third Born. Body movements are spontaneous rather than controlled as in the Second Born. Conversation can be spontaneous often taking a new direction unexpectedly. In conversation the Third Born often responds with a better idea, or a new direction or an improvement to whatever you have said, giving you the impression the Third Born wants to think for you. A chameleon like response marks the Fourth Born who has practiced many types of personalities in childhood and perhaps in adulthood. After the first few moments of conversation the Fourth Born will have adapted to communication with you. During those first few minutes of conversation you feel the Fourth Born is truly interested in you as the Fourth Born studies you to know how to interact with you. One common facial characteristic is that the mouth is more expressive than the eyes. Feelings are seen in movements of the mouth, lips and jaw rather than the eyes. The Fourth Born voice tends to be softer in some Fourth Borns and louder in others than normal. The soft voice indicates giving up on being heard and the loud voice on forcing a hearing. The Fourth Born can violate personal space by getting too close, by touching or by making inappropriate remarks. Or, the Fourth Born can be shy, reclusive, quiet, and withdrawn. Recognizing another’s Birth Order early is an advantage in communication. Knowing a person’s Birth Order lets you have an understanding of the personality so that pitfalls can be avoided. Also, observing Birth Order expressed non-verbally makes people-watching more fun.
Cliff Isaacson, BA, BD BLOG Remember to check out the blog at http://birthorder.blogster.com for lots of information on Birth Order. COUNSELING
Birth Order based counseling/consulting is available by telephone. Call
1-800-214-0795 to make an appointment. For more information write
clifford@birthorderplus.com.
There are advantages to counseling by phone. You are in your own home, you can
concentrate without visual distractions and you feel more comfortable than in a
counseling office. Telephone counseling has proven effective in dealing with
anger issues.
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The following books by Cliff are available by email at clifford@birthorderplus.com or by calling 1-800-214-0795: You can pay by credit card. Add $3.00 for shipping and handling.
The Birth Order Challenge Hardback $19.95
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