See below on how the different birth orders compare to each other: Original challenges - what caused each of the birth orders: Only Child - How to play alone without feeling lonely First Born - Loss of mother's love to the new baby Second Born - Being outdone by the first born Third Born - Being shamed by the second born Fourth Born - Being excluded by the third born Strategies for solving the original challenges: Only Child - Create imaginary companions First Born - Wait for attention Second Born - Become perfectionistic Third Born - Be emotionally strong Fourth Born - Don't listen to self Typical bad feeling: Only Child - Frustration First Born - Guilt Second Born - Inadequacy Third Born - Fear Fourth Born - Anger Felt loss from childhood: Only Child - Freedom First Born - Love Second Born - Emotions Third Born - Protection Fourth Born - Belonging Sense of justice: Only Child - Everything should be equal First Born - People should get what they deserve Second Born - What is necessary is just Third Born - There is no justice so you have to help the victims Fourth Born - There is no justice so you have to get even Thought patterns: Only Child - Organize by tying up the loose ends First Born - Relate things to the future Second Born - Evaluate to discover flaws Third Born - Compare things to create new ideas Fourth Born - Analyze things from every angle T-shirts: Only Child - Front: Leave me alone / Back: I'd rather do it myself First Born - Front: I don't know / Back: What do you think? Second Born - Front: That won't work / Back: It's not good enough Third Born - Front: No problem / Back: It doesn't bother me any Fourth Born - Front: Life isn't easy / Back: You have to try hard Type of emotional expression: Only Child - Demonstrative/Sullen First Born - Agreeable/Obnoxious Second Born - Friendly/Critical Third Born - Sympathetic/Aggressive Fourth Born - Empathy/Anger What causes anger: Only Child - Being intruded upon First Born - Shown lack of respect Second Born - Being criticized Third Born - Being putdown Fourth Born - Being blamed Nature of humor: Only Child - Sarcasm - implying negative motives First Born - Shock - outrageous humor Second Born - Criticism - dry humor Third Born - Putdowns - embarrassing others Fourth Born - Insults - suggesting others are stupid/lazy/untrustworthy Means of relating: Only Child - Projects own perceptions unto the other person imagining that the other person is the way he/she thinks they are First Born - Works to impress others to get their admiration Second Born - Offers constructive criticism to help others perform better Third Born - Looks for ways to help others so they will be pleased Fourth Born - Entertains others with witty expressions so they will want them around Whom they understand on a gut level: Only Child - Just other only children First Born - Just other first borns Second Born - First and second borns Third Born - First, second and third borns Fourth Born - Everyone except onlies Spirituality: Only Child - Ethical spirituality, wants to settle issues of right and wrong First Born - Relational spirituality, wants to have a loving community Second Born - Sacrificial spirituality, wants persons to commit themselves Third Born - Devotional spirituality, wants to gain strength through prayer Fourth Born - Mystical spirituality, wants to make contact with God Relational problems: Only Child - Feels oppressed by others' negative feelings First Born - Feels obliged to satisfy others Second Born - Feels overwhelmed by others' anger Third Born - Feels obliged to help others Fourth Born - Feels trapped by others' feelings Sexual dysfunction resulting from childhood sexual abuse: Only Child - Bisexuality if sexually abused by person of the same sex as a child - may also sexually abuse children other than their own First Born - Addiction to pornography/sex/masturbation Second Born - Homosexuality if abused by a person of the opposite sex Third Born - Sexual aggressiveness, rape Fourth Born - Incest The child within: Only Child - Feels smothered First Born - Feels abandoned Second Born - Feels neglected Third Born - Feels wounded Fourth Born - Feel isolated Type of Procrastination: Only Child - Puts off big jobs while doing small tasks First Born - Puts off doing practical things while dreaming of accomplishing great things Second Born - Puts off tasks till they can be done perfectly or till they have to be done Third Born - Puts off tasks for more interesting pursuits Fourth Born - Puts off tasks to spite others Blind Spot: Only Child - Inability to know what others think/feel First Born - Inability to tell what he/she thinks, feels, wants Second Born - Inability to know what others feel Third Born - Inability to cooperate Fourth Born - Inability to trust others How They Deal with Boundaries: Only Child - Honors them for others and self First Born - Perceives others as having insurmountable boundaries Second Born - Strict boundaries defined by own rules Third Born - Cannot set boundaries to keep others out Fourth Born - Does not respect others' boundaries, has strict boundaries for him/herself How Each Takes a Walk in the Woods: Only Child - Stays on the beaten path First Born - Plunges through the woods, gets into difficulty Second Born - Goes into the woods, watches the ground to avoid obstacles Third Born - Goes into the woods only to help someone else through the woods Fourth Born - Does not go into the woods, tells others where to go and how to get there Some Preferred Careers: Only Child - Radio Disk Jockey, Banking, Teaching, Ministry, Management (of time, space, and things) First Born - Promotion, Speaking, Research, Business Second Born - Accounting, Art, Finish Carpentry, Receptionist, Secretary, Teaching, Writer of Novels Third Born - Sales, Police Work, Newspaper Reporter, Inventor, Poet, Animal Trainer Fourth Born - Teaching Elementary School, Comedy, Dentistry, Factory Work, Management (of people) Strengths: Only Child - Organization, Clarity of Purpose, Stable First Born - Visionary, Leadership, Compromise Second Born - Self-Discipline, Attention to Detail, Consistency Third Born - Compassion, Imagination, Practicality Fourth Born - Thinking, Understanding, Ambition Parenting Styles: Only Child - Allows children time and space First Born - Urges children towards dreams Second Born - Teaches self-discipline, Obedience to rules Third Born - Protective on the one hand, challenging on the other Fourth Born - Is a companion to the children, Inconsistent discipline Farming Style (if a farmer): Only Child - Follows expert recommendations First Born - Farms so as to impress others Second Born - Stays on modest scale to keep everything manageable Third Born - Ready to try new methods, experiments Fourth Born - Farms the hard way What Passes for Love: Only Child - Worry First Born - Agreement Second Born - Constructive Criticism Third Born - Pleasing Fourth Born - Giving Driving Style: Only Child - Drives confidently expecting that everyone will drive correctly First Born - Drives cautiously as if others are out to get him/her Second Born - Drives angrily because others are violating the rules Third Born - Drives fearlessly or fearfully Fourth Born - Drives slowly while watching everything or aggressively in anger Listening Style: Only Child - Puts own meaning into others' words First Born - Listens only to others, not self Second Born - Listens for mistakes Third Born - Interprets the motive for what is said Fourth Born - Listens only to self or the other, but not to both at the same time Common Phrases: Only Child - You know First Born - I don't know Second Born - You need to Third Born - No problem Fourth Born - Try hard Interventions to get a Hearing From: Only Child - I don't know about you but... First Born - You may not agree with this but... Second Born - This may not be perfect but... Third Born - This may be scary but... Fourth Born - This may be hard but... Effective Confrontations: Only Child - You can be angry if you want but... First Born - I would appreciate if you would... Second Born - Do you have any other criticisms? Third Born - I am disappointed... Fourth Born - Stop it!

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